i hate fighting with dad

we Engine students had in Auditorium today.....it was all about tHe Global Outlook and how CHina is the Fastest growing Economy and US the #1 Economic power. Me and grace chua are kinda excited about going to China for IA....would be a great platform, not just for learning and enjoying the culture, doing e.v. would also be lots easier. Can hardly wait!!!
And well...the emotional prob i had recently with earthly dad is kinda resolved today :). Always hated fighting with him, harbouring anger at him or anyone lah. This is the most amazing part: Of all people, Esh told me to get a lot of issues in my life sorted out.....which is what another friend (Eewan) told me before. another thing, I'm sooooo glad that the guy-who-claims-to-like-me is backing off! please keep it that way Lord, unless he really has a mega spiritual makeover. ...which would prob take AGES.....ok, stop judging. ...........was it a waste of time?

NTU Crusade Retreat

ok, here goes.....really had fun there, a different kinda fun.....quieter lorh....different kinda atmosphere. but well, with our new S.T. (servant team) , it'll be quite down to earth i reckon. the funniest was when shaocai said "oh no.....next time i'll tell my kids not to mix with Uncle Yung's kids". the table scene looked like a set on F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Also real glad to mix with ppl like Zhixin, Samantha and Rachel (new to the gal gang), catch up w junxiang. Derek led a long worship and mentioned "If God is not Lord of every part of one's life, He's not Lord at all." that really struck me. BGR really must be one of the biggest issues Christian youths struggle with now....

Sec 4/5 gang....the lamest english speakers of our class, project mates...Anna, Jingyi, me, Serene, Sueling, Lingzhi
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2 galfrens of the singing days of nygh....shirong (pink) n Yihui
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NTU 1st Sem class
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3 lovely ladies from NJC...Anna who is also Sec4 classmate (right) and Michele (left)
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At my birthday, with FMSS gd frens, Jiayi, my buddy (right), and Kaixin (left)
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the God-shaped hole in all of us.

a REAL struggle most Christian girls actually face though not many able to verbalise it.
The relational and emotional side of us yearns to connect with people on a deep level and bond with them. A lack of it produces a little void/dullness/a sense of dissatisfaction in our lives.
hm, however, a deeper look at these two symptoms would point to one thing: How often and how deeply can a single individual satisfy our emotional needs? AND on a constant basis?? Inconsistencies, InsenSiTiVitY, InSecuRitiEs soon surface, in both u and the person. There's NO WAY I would be able rely on a person (even my closest FriEnd) to fill up my emotional tank whenever i need topping up.
Thus i have only one conclusion: GOD DID set aside a special part of our hearts and beings that only HE could satisfy. To try and "use" mere man to fill that part of our hearts would result in disappointment---->i LEARNT after the jog today...funny how God keeps talking a LOT to me when i go jogging. hehe. Boy, i'm starting to sound like Paul in the Bible.

Six of us (samantha, me, Matthea, Zhixin, Alex, Ivy) carried on with our own talkshow about all the above topics. and it was great! everyone contributed or listened...that is, till they slept. hahaha, it was soo funny. cos we were all in weird sleeping positions.....esp. samantha....haha. in the end, it worked out fine.

1) Spend 40 min a day with God...cumulative. that means in the toilet 10min, jogging 20 min, and Q.T. bedtime (10-30min) etc.

2) Pray for PeoPLe every day. (Must rotate and shuffle around.....not always same item and same persons....heh)

3) Be real, in sharing or communicating how i feel deep down, even though it's negative. at least people will know i'm connectible, and not always "jovial"

JC outing

I'm at a lost for words....seriously. Everything big and small, past and present's been coming back to me!! i mean, erm, like today's outing......which i was kinda worrying abt, afraid i wouldn't be able to fit in? strange, yet it was OK! like going back to the old jc gang, and actually being able to be myself and talk was quite fantastic. however, kinda sad that not all the gals turned up. like the Xuan gang and all. haha, strangely the xuan gang remind me of my pri. school classmates...hehe, the cheena, simple-life kind. but very down to earth and frenly. the dinner was cool! we all decided to share zhi(2) cha(4), popular singaporean chinese dishes shared at a round table. it kinda gave us a sense of bonding lah, kinda like family reuinion. and we all shared a bit about the happenings and juicy bits of our lives. 4 gals---delphie, yuting and shihui and me.
The thing that wowed me was how Mrs teo/miss kiong dealt with her kid, in a more indirect affirmative manner. like, she wouldn't immediately rush to her or give her baby talk. or soothe her every little fall. in a sense it was training her to be more resilient and grown-up, i would think?
oh well, they, as usual tried to grill me about what's up in my life and i didn't evade. ok told them stuff here and there lah. haha, no biggie. considered angus before? well, maybe...but i don't take him that seriously as i think his values and mine differ quite a bit. i wouldn't be surprised if he was testing water but oh well, he's nice and all...but heh, just maybe in the future. I'm still looking at how God is leading me.
realised i could talk with almost everyone in class.....the majority, including the guys..but not to fear as i believe i will definitely get to talk to them, someday. I feel shihui is a lot more mature now and more ladylike, easier to talk to. heh. hope her bf will quit smoking.
well, in general everyone looked better and i could tell we all grew up one way or another! wenshun is alot funnier and trying to help us with his advice, michael, just being there, wilson, his smiles and laughter, delphie, her down to earth friendliness, argh.......couldn't really click with yuting today but oh well...she's got mood swings. Angus looked serious today...think he's very career minded now. willie haha, looked good in SAF pilot uniform. steven, his speech more refined, samuel, looking more normal lah.
Okiez.......can't wait for hall 8 to call me. and it's true that fear and anger are sins and we should deal with them rightly. thank you God once again, hope everyone will experiecne u one day!

WOW........i can't believe i'm 21! TODAY!

the age marking the end of my adolescence!
the total closure of my chilhood and teenage life!
The start of a brand new chapter of my life
Where there is....

No more whining!
Picking up of aDuLt ReSponSibiLitiEs!!
Taking care of others under my wing!
Cooking and domestic skills to be polished

speaking of which, the Canadian hostess in Kazakhstan "taking care" of us, her guests at the foreign missionaries meeting. She was efficient, READY to get anything done for her guests--clean table, make tea, get food for her young kids, talk to us, talk to her kids, smile and be warm. I just admired her.

1) David Jeremiah commented at dinner (with adrian, hwaimei and me @ TCC) today that i might have potential in this particular Ministry--counselling ppl on their BGR probs in future. HAHA. but yeah, come 2 think of it, i really can envision myself in an office, smiling at couples who come for PMC counseling. using my own approach for each couple and helping them!

2) Reflected about this whole "Perfect mate" chase everyone talks about. came to the conclusion, from my readings today, that ultimately, THE LIST of CRITERIA and Qualities have to STICK!!
that means, no matter how attractive the person is in my eyes, it's what GOD wants and HIS agenda, not mine.

3) I've decided to let go and LET GOD matchmake me. i have decided on the "English lady missionary's" route---to spend my life on God-Pursuit -wholeheartedly. if You think a particular man out there (whom i will be attracted to) is beneficial for both our ministries n we can pray together, just send him to me, where i am and make him know i'm to be his wife. ha. sounds funny but yeah!!

these are just the bare essentials

1 A man after God's heart
2 Who hungers for God's word and prays a lot
3 Who loves EnOuGh to bring people closer to You
4 Who raDiAtEs the Joy of the LoRd
5WhO is HumBLe enough to get on his knees and PRAY
6 whose heart and arms is StrOng enough to bear burdens
7 who has a warm and funny personality

our team visiting an Orphanage in Astana with elizabeth and rich
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First part of Almaty trip: with students at a prayer meeting
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The LAST day in central asia
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The Kazakh Delicacy: Horsemeat with Potatoes
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before leaving kazakstan @ the railway station......
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God, i need a mAjOR favour $$$

ThiS time it's really something big--a big load on my chest. my parents seem to really not trust me. just bcos of one not-clearly explained incident that happened??? oh man.......and i really chose not to stay over at the chalet with my cell group tonight. Do i have to give up my hostel-stay too??

1hour 20 min later:
God, you're wayyyy cool man! you just worked a miracle for me! seriously my dad just agreed to let me stay!!!

me and ruth during team preparation @east coast
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excited faces on the way to Kazakhstan!!
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